I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
