Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
