how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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