I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
