well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
