I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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