I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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