you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
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I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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