We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
