I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
