She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
