Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
