i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
