I heard we made out
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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