i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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