but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
that may or may not have been my penis.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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