If i come over, it means nothing
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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