i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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