I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
