Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
