belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
