just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
