i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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