And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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