One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
