i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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