So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize