I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
