Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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