Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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