Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
