i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
