We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
