when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
