i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
