I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
