Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
