I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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