You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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