$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
