we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
