Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
