I think i peed on brittanys purse
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
