well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
