dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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