So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
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Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
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His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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