On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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