Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
