I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
