I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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