Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
