eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
