I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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