WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
