Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
