O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
