just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Welp...herpes.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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