I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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