Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
