I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The power of my boobs compel you
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
