someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
