You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
