I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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