it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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