I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
