We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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