my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Bring me that man meat
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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