You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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