HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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