Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize