Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
