smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
