im calling her cock vulture from now on
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
