is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
