I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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