i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
